Church Discipline the Jesus Way

A fellow minister submitted the following situation and asked my input:

...There is someone from a family and the older brother died and left his girlfriend behind with a kid. One of the brothers of that family decided to fall in love with that lady and have a child by her. What does the bible say about such an attitude? How can we view this in African context?

Please explore the word and see how you and I can be a real help to such a brother in question. What's the best way out? Can they continue the relationship or separate?

Here is what I advised my friend:

In a situation like this, there are two overriding Scriptural guidelines to keep before you:

1. Showing the love of God to the ones living the ungodly lifestyle
2. Sharing the truth of God with those persons.
   

I believe that's what Paul meant by "speaking the truth in love" (Eph. 4:15). Truth is the content. Love is the context. Without love, the truth comes across in a "holier than thou" manner.

Even prior to Paul, the psalmist declared the same in Psalm 85:10, as "mercy and truth ... righteousness and peace". It is also found in the first chapter of John's gospel, as "grace and truth", which Jesus Christ embodied (John 1:14,17).

In light of these two principles to uphold, there are also two extremes to avoid:

1. Legalism, an extreme form of the "truth", which is a drastic view of "church discipline" often used to humiliate and shame "the sinner". That's what the Pharisees and their ilk did to the woman in John 8. This is the soldier approach to sin; it hurts the person.
   
2. Leniency, an extreme form of Christian "love", which condones sinful conduct and disregards holiness that God requires from His people. This is the grandmother approach to sin; it spoils the object of love.
   

As you know, it is very difficult to keep Love and Truth in redemptive balance in a way which sympathizes with someone living in sin but yet maintains the holy standard of our King. May the Lord grant you and your fellow elders and deacons the wisdom to prayerfully and responsibly handle this situation with the goal of leading those involved to repent and be restored to fellowship...

I could cite Paul's letters as illustrations of church discipline (1 Corinthians 5) tempered with compassion (2 Corinthians 7:8-12), but the example of Jesus Christ incorporates those illustrations. The main thing is to be able to say what Christ said to the woman caught in adultery, "Neither do I condemn you" (which is the Love, Grace and Mercy part), but also "go and sin no more" (which is the Truth, Righteousness, and Holiness angle).