Friendship: The Best of Life, Part 2

In Part 1, we discussed the various types of friendship and the bases for friendship. The third point is this:

Every real friendship has a purpose. A friendship should be active and mutual in order to fulfill its purpose. Why do humans become friends? Let's itemize the manifold purpose of friendship for the two persons involved:

1. Mutual assistance: friends are to help each other; a relationship of enablement is an abuse of friendship.
   
2. Motivation: friends encourage each other; they edify or build up each other; they inspire each other to succeed and excel beyond mediocrity.
   
3. Improvement: friends make each other better; friends sharpen each other; King Solomon described it as iron sharpening iron; friends improve each other's personhood, self-esteem, confidence or performance as iron sharpens iron.
4. Advancement or Progress: friends help each other move from one point to the other
   
5. Maturity: friends nurture each other to grow up, become mature, a more complete person.
   
6. Endurance: friendship is a coping mechanism; a true friend gives you the edge in difficult times, because she will strengthen and empower you to cope with some of life's toughest challenges; friends see each other through hardship, without being mere bystanders. Friendship can make the difference between surviving war, as prisoner of war, or life in a refugee camp.
   

Friendship that fails to somehow in some way make one or both friends better cannot be called genuine friendship. It may be a leech-connection, a sponge-bond, or codependency, but not friendship in the true sense of the concept. Any friendship that ceases to make one better no longer has any purpose for being kept alive.

When friendship ends, former friends often become disappointed, or worse. But this need not be case. You can experience a better closure to the death of friendship, so that a little piece of your life does not die with every deceased friendship of your past. For this to happen, you need to look at the "failure" or downfall of every friendship differently. As serious as the death of a friendship is, it can be a time to refresh and regroup, without taking yourself off the shelf or display at Friendship Mall. Think, speak and believe ideas along these lines:

1. Resentment rejected: I refuse to be bitter or resentful towards my ex-friend.
2. Regret unnecessary: Instead of regret the end to our friendship, I choose to savor all the good times we spent together and the good things that came from our friendship when it was alive and well. Do the same thing that bereaved people do at funerals; moan the loss but cherish and treasure the precious memories.
   
3. Gratitude: I am grateful and thankful that our paths crossed and our lives connected; somehow I believe this world is a better place, because we met and shared our lives.
4. Not Abandoned: Just because our friendship has ended does not mean my ex-friend betrayed or abandoned me. It doesn't mean he did not appreciate all I did for him, or what we meant to each other. There may be things going on in her life that I can't or don't understand for now.
5. Purpose served: Our friendship has served a purpose. Perhaps it was meant to be only a temporary friendship, which is no less valuable than a permanent friendship.
6. Potential Friend: For my part, I refuse to consider my one-time friend an enemy. My ex-friend remains a potential friend, but I will leave that to the twists and turns of life.
7. Better Me: In the mean time, I will work on myself, so that the next person who is fortunate to have me as friend will have one of the best friends they ever had. Yes, I'll remain friendly and keep the entrance to friendship a double door, ready to fling wide open again if life would have it so.

Being a great friend means that you understand the value of friendship. It also means that you are aware of the type of friendship you are in, the basis for your friendship, the purpose of friendship, and how to bring positive closure to a fallen friendship.

Mogama, The African Thinker